i've just been thinking, every child of God has his or her unique adventure with the Father. God accompanies some on rollercoaster rides and some others on a peaceful float in calm waters. some may be thrown off when the ride gets a little rougher and more violent than usual while others may well get a wee bit too comfy bobbing up and down in such an oscillatory motion that they somehow end up drifting off course and risk being carried away by a sudden lift of the wind and waves and eventually get washed down to the depths by a waterfall. i guess this is a very real threat to every child of God and to avoid tumbling down to the ruins we'll have to learn to stop and smell the flowers every now and then and thank God for His blessings even in every fluffy cloud in the sky of blue painted by Him just for us to marvel at.

"16 Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.

17 "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. [a] I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him."

(Mal 3:16-17)

drawing up our scroll of remembrance would certainly enable us to bathe once again in the river of gratitude and thankfulness and subsequently, to clothe ourselves with a fresh change of attitude and thus aptitude in this journey. drawing up a scroll of remembrance is easy, i think. it's the first step that's the tricky part; be it having the desire to do so or simply just willing yourself to get down to doing it. i was just talking to jacob two days ago and he said something that reallyreally spoke volumes of a faith marked by maturity. he said something along the lines of thinking about why it was hard to see how good God is in his life. he then concluded that it didn't matter that he doesn't have out-of-the-world testimonies to share like others may, his best testimony would be that he's a sinner saved by grace and he has a living relationship with a living God. yeap. what a testimony indeed:) it's been on my mind since then and it really brings me back to where it really matters. and because of this testimony i'm all imbued with a deep-rooted joy that makes me smile to myself even when i'm walking. well actually it'd be better to think of it as i'm smiling to God hee! but thanks for never failing to inspire me, jacob, i'm real glad to be in the same family of God as you! :D

wc :: 8:22 PM

after having frivolously squandered the past weeks in self-pity and depression and along the way liberally spending a crazy lot on good(which actually means awfully calorific and fattening) food i'm trying to get back on track without much success. when i lament about God giving me the same test over and over again and how it's killing me, church mates reply that it's because i never learn. here are a few who can see so clearly from the outside. indeed, i never learn, do i? yet i thank God for these messengers and also for a spirit who tells me that i gotta have a sense of urgency in resolving my issues. yeap so with this same spirit i shall get up and get back.

all this while that i've been turning to food for comfort, though it may seem somehow that i'm mistakenly seeking refuge from the world, yet i sense a gratitude deep within my heart towards God, for always providing me with what He knows will cheer me up. in my case of course, i get to binge on my favourite delights- sweets and pastries and virtually everything you can find at a patisserie. i don't suppose some people can actually afford that which may seem to be a luxury. so YAY praise God. an extra dose of sweetness comes from knowing that even in trying times, God's comforting little nuggets of love are still delivered all the way:) i'd like to think that the privilege of being able to afford yummies are God's way of loving me- according to what i like and what i'm like- God loves us PERSONALLY:)

and for all the times that i've prolly annoyed God with my incessant complains and even accusations(and worse:( ), He's never once picked me up by the scruff of my neck and shook me hard to knock some sense in. no, He's always been generously patient. for we beat on His chest from within the circle of His arms. the Father's love goes this far. God loves us PASSIONATELY:)

then comes the hope that leads me on and sustains my walk- God's promises. i just happened to see one of my favourite verses on the cover of my organiser that i've scrawled on some months ago and conveniently forgot about:(
"You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands."
(isaiah 55:12)
and with God's promises come all strength and sustenance and every goodness in His spirit's power. God loves us POWERFULLY:)

so that's my God with His love in 3P's and actually a whole lot more! but yeah i hope this read will bless you!:) Jesus loves you:)

wc :: 10:09 PM

i attended youth service today since i couldn't attend uni-ya camp and thank God i went for service; church today was truly a tent of meeting with God with the holy spirit moving greatly among us all, pulsating through our veins with every beat of our hearts in rhythm with the will of God.

sanctification was but one of God's blessings to me today at church- liberation from a tainted past in various aspects of life felt...well..free...and more than that, the comfort in knowing that God had just granted me yet another chance to start on a clean slate again simply blows me away. pastor michael told us that no matter which rung of the spiritual ladder we're at, or whether we're even on it; however far we may be from God, He will still take us back and make us part of His. it's all part of His promise that will never fail. thank God i serve a merciful God who doesn't condemn for good and who's a God of second chances. as the sermon carried on about revival and God's army, that is, the church, something stirred within my spirit that gave me such an overwhelming response to the Word of God preached today. i was reminded of the dreams i had for my God, those times when i told Him "yes Daddy i wanna do this for You..i wanna do that for Your glory...". i was greatly moved to respond to His call to join His army, i wanted to begin to use my God-blessed gifts and talents for His purposes. oh how i swelled then with the consuming desire to go to the ends of the earth at the slightest of God's command...really..yet it was barely an hour after church that i began to sulk over a certain something that God had withheld from me. and the more i thought about it the more frustrated and annoyed i got until slowly, the bitterness began eating me up inside that i suppose the light of Christ faded from me on the outside, not that i think i ever really shone the light of Christ well in my life anyway:/ but yeah it was that bad. and it's funny isn't it? the transience of it all...that thing called faith, one minute you're burning with it and the next it's gone with the wind. like poof! and there it goes. but then again it occurred that me that that ephemeral impulse or instantaneous reaction/response to a certain impetus is nowhere near what faith is exactly. true faith doesn't fluctuate with the ups and downs of life; it's an independent, uni-directional variable that increases with the depth of our relationship with our Savior(ooo that sounded like math and physics, i'm a GENIUS hee!).

yeap and i wanna have faith, not just that annoying momentary impulse that loses itself somehow or other. so God, i just wanna tell You that i will still love You, Lord. i trust in Your wisdom and judgment, that out of love for me, You withhold what i want to give me what i need. and God i know that You make no mistakes so i will trust in Your plans. yeah well i may hate it a bit for now heh, but i will still love You because i know You're faithful. You told me some time ago that trials and testings are what keep me close to You. sometimes, well actually most of the time, God, i really really hate it when You put me through the fire. but now i think i can safely say that no matter how much i may hate the trials and challenges You put in my way, regardless of how much i may grumble and complain(You know best how much i really do hahah), i will still love You, i will still follow You, i will still turn to You. so keep me close to You Lord. help me keep my eyes on Jesus to keep my feet from stumbling. thank You Daddy. i love You. Amen.

wc :: 11:59 PM

to me, psalms are well-written in that they convey accurately the very emotions we humans feel at times, capturing the very essence of such a flood of feelings in particular moments, in particular experiences. it's precisely because they're written so charged with emotions that everyone is able to relate to and identify with the involved psychology and mentality. in short, the guys who wrote them were, to put it curtly and crudely, EMO. (oops, pardon me:/)

i wrote a little something myself a while back. not because i was particularly emo, (i refuse to label myself an emokid! hahahah) but because poetry-writing is somewhat an outlet for venting certain pent-up emotional frustrations? much more than that, it's my way of drawing up a "Scroll of Remembrance" to remind myself of the Lord's goodness at times when i least feel it; because feelings aren't accurate mostly, what counts are the facts- God's word! UH well something like that! anyways here's it! there are bound to be errors and unsatisfactory parts but i pray it speaks to your heart when you read it! :))

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy I just want to thank You
For all You’ve been to me-
My Savior, Redeemer, Father and Friend,
Who was, is and ever will be.

Thank You for forgiving my sins,
Though multitudes they cover.
And for having patience when tantrums I throw,
Without thought for Your feelings, my Father.

Thank You for not turning from me,
Even when I run and hide from You;
For You so knew that if You do,
Through sin’s trap I’d surely fall through.

Thank You for Your love that reaches the ends of the earth,
That finds me however far I stray;
For a love that neither sleeps nor slumbers,
That protects and blesses- my guide and stay.

O Lord I thank You for all Your provisions;
You know best what I need.
Granting what I require, not desire,
I pray Your will and word I’ll always heed.

Thank You for Your grace and mercy,
That first saved me and now keep me.
That put and tide me through tests and trials
All because You love me.

Thank You Daddy for Your surpassing understanding-
You always know exactly how I feel.
You laugh with me and weep with me
For what pains me pains You too.

Thank You dear Lord for being to me,
So loving, kind, faithful and true.
For being so special, incomparable, irreplaceable
Because You’re indescribable and none compares to You

Daddy I thank You for Your patience-
I’m never too slow for You.
You know just how long I take sometimes
But just for me You keep the skies blue.

God I thank You for being my justification-
That in Jesus I am made righteous before You
For being also my justice and Judge,
Who repays accordingly when the time comes to.

Dear Daddy I just want to thank You
For all You’ve been to me-
My everything, my all in all,

Who was, is and ever will be.