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Saturday, May 16, 2009
i attended youth service today since i couldn't attend uni-ya camp and thank God i went for service; church today was truly a tent of meeting with God with the holy spirit moving greatly among us all, pulsating through our veins with every beat of our hearts in rhythm with the will of God.
sanctification was but one of God's blessings to me today at church- liberation from a tainted past in various aspects of life felt...well..free...and more than that, the comfort in knowing that God had just granted me yet another chance to start on a clean slate again simply blows me away. pastor michael told us that no matter which rung of the spiritual ladder we're at, or whether we're even on it; however far we may be from God, He will still take us back and make us part of His. it's all part of His promise that will never fail. thank God i serve a merciful God who doesn't condemn for good and who's a God of second chances. as the sermon carried on about revival and God's army, that is, the church, something stirred within my spirit that gave me such an overwhelming response to the Word of God preached today. i was reminded of the dreams i had for my God, those times when i told Him "yes Daddy i wanna do this for You..i wanna do that for Your glory...". i was greatly moved to respond to His call to join His army, i wanted to begin to use my God-blessed gifts and talents for His purposes. oh how i swelled then with the consuming desire to go to the ends of the earth at the slightest of God's command...really..yet it was barely an hour after church that i began to sulk over a certain something that God had withheld from me. and the more i thought about it the more frustrated and annoyed i got until slowly, the bitterness began eating me up inside that i suppose the light of Christ faded from me on the outside, not that i think i ever really shone the light of Christ well in my life anyway:/ but yeah it was that bad. and it's funny isn't it? the transience of it all...that thing called faith, one minute you're burning with it and the next it's gone with the wind. like poof! and there it goes. but then again it occurred that me that that ephemeral impulse or instantaneous reaction/response to a certain impetus is nowhere near what faith is exactly. true faith doesn't fluctuate with the ups and downs of life; it's an independent, uni-directional variable that increases with the depth of our relationship with our Savior(ooo that sounded like math and physics, i'm a GENIUS hee!).
yeap and i wanna have faith, not just that annoying momentary impulse that loses itself somehow or other. so God, i just wanna tell You that i will still love You, Lord. i trust in Your wisdom and judgment, that out of love for me, You withhold what i want to give me what i need. and God i know that You make no mistakes so i will trust in Your plans. yeah well i may hate it a bit for now heh, but i will still love You because i know You're faithful. You told me some time ago that trials and testings are what keep me close to You. sometimes, well actually most of the time, God, i really really hate it when You put me through the fire. but now i think i can safely say that no matter how much i may hate the trials and challenges You put in my way, regardless of how much i may grumble and complain(You know best how much i really do hahah), i will still love You, i will still follow You, i will still turn to You. so keep me close to You Lord. help me keep my eyes on Jesus to keep my feet from stumbling. thank You Daddy. i love You. Amen.
wc :: 11:59 PM